DO YOU KNOW WHAT I ASK MYSELF ALL THE TIME? HOW DO WOMEN DO IT?
How do they do it? Just out of the shower, with their careless "could you hold him for a second?", how could they be ready for the exact time when the child decides to regurgitate milk?
And how do they do it? Beaming, they stand up and say, "it only happens with you, right? It must be because of the suit you look so nice in”, and then, laughing, toss you a towel. Let’s not joke: we all know it takes more than a towel. And it's not so nice to go around the office with that sour smell all day.
So, one of the usual morning decisions is: be late or stink?
In most cases, I opt for the second alternative. Today, however, I have to both smell good and arrive on time: morning meetings. So, I enter "Mr Wolf Pulp Fiction" mode: the route to the Office takes 30 minutes - I can do it in 10.
Another killer decision: put the coat on the baby and let him run around the house with shoes on getting overheated? Or do I get dressed completely and sweat while I convince the little one to wear a jacket? There is no easy solution.
It doesn’t matter. I take the baby and the jacket and head to the nursery school (which wasn't counted in the 10 minutes). He takes his shoes off himself, right? No. The teacher says something. Her name?? Hmm. The blonde.
The cuter of the two. Naturally my wife knows the names (and probably birthdays) of the teachers, the other children and the majority of parents? Another question that I will carry with me all my life, obviously.
"Hi Max, what have you brought today for group breakfast?"
Oh, no! Max's gaze tells me he is doubting that dad really is the hero he had thought. I give him a wink. Of course, I am! Dad could never forget the group breakfast!
Naturally today when I decided to change my suit
I assure the school that "I'm going to go quickly to get the last few things" and run to Lidl. Is there a bread counter? Yes. There is a God! OK, what do they eat for breakfast? Buns, sliced bread, jam, honey, rice cakes, yoghurt, milk, cereal ... or should I be naughty and buy chocolate creme and cookies? Of course! Well if the school doesn’t give you a shopping list ...
Breakfast is delivered, the teachers say nothing and children have great big smiles. A mother looks at me shocked. But, after all, there has to be a man's breakfast, right?
I did it - now I can start my day
"Good morning, boss. Traffic lights were out of service and the incompetent traffic police... you know what I’m talking about, right? I couldn't get here sooner, I'm sorry." During the morning meeting, I check my mobile phone. Message from home three hours ago: "Careful, don't forget the group breakfast! It's our turn. I left the school shopping list on the table. I’ll send you a photo. Please don't get any sweet stuff. XOX".
But how do they do everything?